Here’s a few tips for creating engaging conversations with new people:
#1: Don’t say “fine” when someone asks “How are you?”
Engagement starts at the first breath of a conversation, so have a good answer ready for this standard opener. If you give a closed response, like “I’m great, doin’ well, etc.” you’re already headed toward Boredsville. Open up the flow of dialogue right out of the gate using an appropriate edge of vulnerability. You might say “My cat died last month, and I’m thinking about getting a new one.” Or “I spilled coffee on my blouse first thing at work and had to go through my work day looking like a toddler.” Or “My neighbor keeps throwing his rake into my yard because he thinks it’s mine, we’ve been passing it back and forth for two weeks.” Give them something unexpected, a lead to follow up on, and some early entertainment.
#2: Don’t monologue
People have a surprisingly short attention span. We’re good at politely covering it up, but you should always protect your listener’s patience. Limit your turn at speaking to a few sentences, then pass the ball back. Give a pause, ask a question, invite the listener to interject or change the subject. Regularly take the temperature of your conversation to keep the dialogue moving in a two-way flow. If your listener is really interested in what you are saying, they will bring you back to it, and if they don’t, let it go and move on.
#3: Ask interesting questions
Back to the first one, don’t start by asking “How are you?” That’s lazy. Pick a question that sparks some unexpected self-disclosure at the other person’s discretion. Examples might include:
“What were you like in high school?”
“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
“Would you rather have an Ewok or a Gremlin as a pet?”
“If you could star in a blockbuster movie, would you rather be the villain or the hero?”
These questions ignite curiosity and lead your companion down fertile and curious thought pathways. Bring them out of the “here and now” and into an imaginary place where you are both free to wonder and explore.
#4 Don’t EVER look at your phone
This one should go without saying, but it’s too common of a compulsion not to emphasize. For most of us, going screenface the second our phones make a ping is so automatic, we forget what a negative impact this can make on others. The moment you grab your phone, your listener will pick up a message of disinterest, and their interest in you will decline in step.
#5 Hear the wrap-up music
Your listener may want to talk to other people or go do something else, so make it easy for them to walk away. Attend to non-verbal cues; if they are looking around, checking their watch, or their responsiveness to you starts to wane, quickly give a window for them to gracefully escape. Nothing bores people more than feeling pinned down.
#6 Make it easy
Boredom is usually exhaustion in disguise. People exchange effort in relationships of every duration, and if that effort isn’t equal, it gets tiresome. So, always be considerate of the other person’s privacy, interest, availability, and effort. Don’t answer questions with closed responses, never be selfish with the other person’s ear, and make ample room for the other person to share themselves. All relationships are a flow of nurturing, so make sure you are caring for your listener’s needs by balancing the work in a mutual landscape of interest.
Opmerkingen